Dating in today’s society feels like such a difficult thing. We have to ask ourselves why?
Why is great communication, being sexually attractive, and hitting all those check marks we mentally make in our head so unfeasible at times? I feel like every time I turn around there is someone, I care about struggling with self-sabotaging when opened to the dating world. Being married I have not envied my girlfriends and their so called, “boy problems”. This does not mean I do not have issues of my own that I struggle with my husband, but the dating world I was exposed to did not have all the pressures that today’s society has. So, what has changed over the generations? Are we flooded with images and social media influences that show us the perfect love? Or do we expect to meet someone and never have any type of personality, culture, or sexual differences?
You see the difference is we get exhausted of being let down constantly. A person named Griffin Wynne put it perfectly, “From TV, films, advertisements, and social media we expect perfection and, if we don’t find it, we move on quickly. This makes dating harder because it’s common for us to look for what’s wrong with someone, instead of focusing on what’s right. We expect an intense spark to be there from the start. If it’s not, we check out and look for someone else, because we feel it’s easy to meet someone thanks to modern technology.”
Social media is one of the biggest influences on individuals, and that is because it takes the first impression awkwardness completely away. Why get to know each other over dinner when you can fall in love over the web. One click away and you have access to anyone’s personal life, what they did last summer, and who their family members are. The internet has no boundaries. The things you would not feel comfortable saying to a person’s face is now a whole lot easier with technology.
Moreover, this is where the self-sabotaging starts. You constantly overthink posts on your social media with the fear of being judged. You compare your life to others and wonder, “If I looked like that, he or she would like me better.” The shallowness of dating now a days is at a whole new level.
My parents met in junior high and dated all through high school and college. Again, I am sure they had their issues, but they never fail to remind me that the technology was not even a quarter to what it is today. People had to meet up and see each other face to face. I always wondered how they managed to make it through all the hardships and new reforms in life without giving up. All the examples other than my parents for relationship admiration came from individuals who gave up at the first punch eventually. So, my realm of opportunities was widespread on what avenues I could take when running into a roadblock with my boyfriend now husband. There were many… I mean many times I felt like walking away from the relationship because I kept asking myself, “Is this it for me, is he the one?” Let’s be real here, we all have asked ourselves this once before if you have ever been in love. I noticed at a stage into our relationship I started to self-sabotage and tell myself I needed more. You see this is where the downward spiral happens. What I had to remember is the grass is not greener on the other side, it is green where you water it. People always think they need more, but what it really comes down to is the effort you lose over time due to comfort. Your spouse, boyfriend, or even just a person you are dating should experience one hundred percent of your effort all the time. Learn what the other person needs and wants to then grow from that. I have been with my husband for almost a decade and we continue to work on our relationship always. A relationship is not meant to be perfect, but with hard work you can have your own type of perfect.
Some things that really helped me grasp this was listening to all different kinds of relationship roadblocks from friends and other resources on the internet. Technology can be good in some senses when an author can be real. I found this page that helped me tremendously when in conflict. I even suggest it to friends when they don’t feel quite comfortable taking things through.
Common Relationship Roadblocks & How To Get Past Them
Also engaging in other couples and single people who share the same values about understanding our partners to effectively date for long term or get married helps make light at the end of the tunnel.
At the end of the day every individual on this earth has a different outlook non what they want their future will look like. Finding a person who shares the same morals standards, and is aware of what the other person wants in life then we should escape the shallow dating trends we are creating into norms. Four key elements I live by is:
- The grass is not greener on the other side it is green where you water it.
- Understand what the other person needs and wants.
- BE THE TRUE YOU.
- Communicate always, even when you do not think it is necessary.
Works Cited
“Common Relationship Roadblocks & How To Get Past Them.” Bolde, 6 Jan. 2017, http://www.bolde.com/common-relationship-roadblocks-get-past/.
Roloff, Audrey. “The Marriage Journal Podcast.” Https://Www.youtube.com/Watch?v=9hLXLUVgNZs, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9hLXLUVgNZs.
Wynne, Griffin. “5 Relationship Experts Debate Why Dating Today Is SO Hard.” Elite Daily, Elite Daily, 5 June 2019, http://www.elitedaily.com/p/heres-why-dating-today-is-so-hard-according-to-5-relationship-experts-17951825.
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